So, I missed a week. Sorry. I was out trying to make myself famous by “rapping”…not a great plan, as it turns out, but I enjoyed myself nonetheless. Now, however, I’m back, and I’m faced with a quandary…do I try to catch up with last week’s reviews? Or do I, like this great nation of America before me, simply forge ahead and ignore the lessons of the past? How ’bout a little of both? Let’s get on with the show.

Here’s the last two week’s worth of what I bought:

Mighty Avengers #10, Last Defenders #1, Fantastic Four #554, Thunderbolts #119, Avengers: The Initiative #10, Young Liars #1 — that was the first batch.

Iron Fist #13, Thor #7, Iron Man #27, Captain Marvel #4, Captain America #36 — that was the second batch.

Of the first batch, MA was just alright, LD failed to impress and won’t be coming home with me again, the same for FF (maybe I’ll be wrong in the long run, but…), TB was fun as always, ATI was OK but its pulse is weakening, and YL was horrible. In my opinion.

As for the second batch, so far Cap and Iron Fist were par for the course, both strong as usual. And I still haven’t read the others. Sorry, but I do have a real life to attend to. Sort of.

So what’s coming out on Wednesday?

Daredevil #106 brings a new artist into the fold, at least for this one issue…which usually indicates a fill-in story that sits between arcs. These can be good, providing a bridge between events; or they can be bad, providing nothing but pointless rehashing of plot-points past. Everyone knows I love this book, so they get the benefit of the doubt for now, but I’m looking forward to the kick-off of the next proper arc.

Mighty Avengers #11 continues the picked-up publishing pace for this book, which is good. What’s bad is that, in a time when most Marvel books are becoming more tightly focused (and often more effective in their storytelling), Mighty Avengers has lurched all over the place — Ultron, Doom, symbiotes, you name it. Sure, there’s some vague connection between them all, but it isn’t quite gellin’…like Magellan. If you know what I mean.

Uh-oh. Another fill-in issue? Could be, as New Avengers #39 hands the art-kit over to David Mack (famous for his amazing painted pages). Mack has one of those super artsy styles that doesn’t do it for everyone but really does it for some people. Hopefully he’ll use his powers for good here. This issue is purported to tie into the current arc, which would make it less-than-filler. I have my fingers crossed, as I think this is consistently one of the best books out.

Ultimate Human #3 brings us more beef between Bruce Banner and Tony Stark. What will happen? Fighting? Pithy retorts? Signs point to yes.

Ultimate Iron Man II #4 picks up where the last issue left off, but I don’t remember where that was. This second installment of Ultimate-Stark isn’t sticking with me as well as the first did, but it’s almost over…and for some reason I’ll keep buying it until it is. And speaking of Iron Man, that movie looks to be bananas. Can’t wait.

Finally, Ultimate Spider-Man #120 rounds out my bag of goodies with what is likely to be another solid installment from Bendis and Immonen. This issue ties up the current arc with a guest appearance from the Ultimate X-Men. Neato mosquito.

Whelp, that’s it for this week. If you still have money left over after you buy your comics, why not pick up an extra copy of that fabulous new Grip Grand album “Brokelore” (in stores now)? Just in case the first one gets scratched. Or something. You can find it online at fatbeats.com, undergroundhiphop.com, bestbuy.com (I am not joking), and a million other places…or you can order it from your local rack jobber. Good luck!

I’d like to leave you with the lyrics from Last Emperor’s “Secret Wars” 12-inch, a must-have for all hip-hop/comic heads, in which Last Emp imagines a battle royale between the heroes (and villains) of both page and stage, and he does some quality rapper impressions to boot (check YouTube for the audio, I’m busy):

What if I had the power to gather all of my favorite emcees
With the illest comic book characters and they became arch-enemies?
Inconceivable? Unbelievable? Yet as wild as it seems
The Emperor and Stan Lee would coach the two opposing teams
Keep it clean no bats, no gats, guns, no interference
Comic book characters would go head up with raw lyrics
Now I take whoever might be on break from doin’ tours
And have them signed up for the Last Emperor’s Secret Wars
Sure, for that kind of capacity, you need a crazy large arena
that might stretch from West Philadelphia to East Medina
If I’m able, I’d put it on pay-per-view through my label
And give free tickets to my neighborhood bums with no cable
Yeah, that sounds phat, now that we’ve squared away the propositions
Let’s begin with the ultimate toughman competition
“Let the games begin!” Set it off, it’s the fight of the century
KRS and Professor X would battle each other mentally
With rhymes, these two team captains waste no time
Charles Xavier tried to invade Kris Parker’s mind
He shot a cerebral probe at Kris’s mind, but he missed it
Professor X taken out by the Blastmaster’s metaphysics
Round two, new fight, word to life, you gotta see this
Locked in mortal combat is Dr. Strange and The Genius
Here son, he’s no match, let that grafted wizard have it
“My liquid sword slashes straight through Dr. Strange’s magic”

Another hero down, and now the score is two to zero
By words from the Genius, and he’s still my rhymin’ hero
Now the next fight was conducted in a rough-like manner
Specifically between Reggie Noble and Dr. David Banner
Or should I say the Incredible Hulk when he’s amped off the gamma?
But Reggie Noble soon became the Incredible Redman and slammed him
You know how Redman gets when his adrenaline starts pumpin’
Started schizin’ in the ring, so then the Thing tired jump in
Ben Grimm leaps into the ring, and after Redman he lunges
“But Reggie Noble dropped him with two Brick City punches!”

Rhymes by the bunches, bums get dirtier than Middle Eastern dungeons
Ready to set this like Detective Columbo and his hunches
While the refs clean out the ring, ‘cuz the last fight was so intense
Let’s do a live interview with the brother named Common Sense
“Yeah, yeah it’s Common Sense, and Iceman tried to freeze me,
So I took him to Chicago and told him to take it easy
He couldn’t see me with my applejack hat and hightops
Colussus and Cyclops, I got No I.D. and Y Not”

Good lookin’ Common Sense, yo, that last album was tight
Let me get back to the ring and evaluate the next fight
Now the next fight had to be the craziest of all times
We got Dr. Octopus versus the mighty Busta Rhymes!

Doc Ock versus Busta? Man that stuff is dead
He’ll get his eight arms ripped off, goin’ up against the dreads
“Ha, ha! Now Dr. Octopus, who you think you grabbin’?
The god can never lose, so you know it will never happen
Lyrically making you sleepy, you’ll need a nap when
I slap you with my dreads, lights out, you’ll kiss the canvas”

Before my eyes, I see the demise of another superhero
Next up is Ras Kass versus Magneto
Now anything goes when Magneto battles foes
But Ras Kass had him shivering, delivering ultramagnetic blows
Magneto was now deceased, and a wise man said it best
“The sun rises in the east, but they can still set it the west”
Now with all these heroes down, Stan Lee refuses to surrender
He got Storm from the X-Men, as if I couldn’t match the gender
Stan Lee shouts “Excelsior!” Yo, Stan you best to chill
“There’s no match for Storm!” I guess he’s never heard of Lauryn Hill
Now we all know Storm controls the temperature and weather
Started runnin’ off at the lip, and L-Boog was like “Whatever”

See she just got home from tours, she’s a bit too tired to spar
So she clocked Storm over the head with my man Wyclef’s guitar
All silence is ceased, out of nowhere comes the Beast
Versus Jeru the Damaja, the Black Prophet from the East
Releasing rhymes that will pound you into the ground, there’ll be no round two
Another victory for hip-hop by the Dirty Rotten Scoundrel
Now the underground sewer system that lies deep below the ring
Is where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Das EFX do their thing
Leonardo and Donatello, they well know that we can do this
“So kiggedy Crazy Drayzy hit them both with raw sewage”

Now Rafeal and Michaelangelo, those two others who are brothers
Books smacked ‘em with the Das EFX logo, the manhole cover
Whether you’re plant or animal, vegetable or miggidy-mineral
Before you step to Das EFX you best be hard like a criminal
Taking you back to ringside, just when you thought it was over
The last battle was brought forth by G.I. Joe and Cobra
Mercenaries and soldiers, G.I. Joe was rollin’ thick
But I’ll get the military of hip-hop, a.k.a. The Boot Camp Click
World War Three for ‘98 in the wake of all these troops
I could see general Buckshot goin’ toe to toe with Duke
Salute the captain for rappin’ ‘cuz now we know who’s hard,
Catchin’ wreck like Steele and Tek up against the Crimson Gaurd
Charging after you, smashin’ you metaphorically bashin’ through
The entire Joe team is O.G.C. and Ruck the Irrational
Then all of a sudden I hear this real loud crack!
“The military punisher Big Rock just broke Roadblock’s back!”

Adding insult to injury to Stan Lee and his team
We’ve got Weapon X from Canada, a.k.a. Wolverine
You know the routine, his claws can rip rappers for days
But here comes the Method Man, a.k.a. Johnny Blaze!
Wolverine you can’t hang, when Tical does his thang
Paralize you with the venom from the Method Man’s fang!
This is the final battle as the stratosphere gets darker
We got Nasir Jones versus Peter Parker
Nasty Nas the halftime headringer versus the webslinger
Illmatic versus radioactive in the rotten apple where the dead linger
He cursed the day that spider ever bit him
And gave him a copy of the second LP, It Was Written
For all up and coming emcees, I’ve got a question,
If I made a Secret Wars Part Two, would your name even be mentioned?
Would you make the final cut?
I make the nicest give their titles up
Writing rhymes slash fighting crimes like the Blue Falcon and Dynomutt
Stick around for the next battle slash adventure,
And if you see Stan Lee, tell him that the Last Emperor sent ya’.

Word up. ‘Til next time…

Bagged and boarded,

Grip

Posted by Grip Grand on Wednesday, March 26th, 2008 at 10:59 am.