North Beach, San Francisco.

Hello, Routine Flyers. My name is Haji P. And Im Back on My Blog Sh*t!

Hey, I gotta riddle for you… Whats all white, dances stupid, and smells like martini coated pheromones? Did you say North Beach? Cause if you did….youre probably getting lucky tonight!

“Oooh my GAWD, Becky! North Beach was soooo much fun! I totally downloaded 4 LIT’s into my skank hole! And Chad was totally pounding his balls on the back of my skirt ALL night while we listend to the DJ play electric mixes of Yanni Goes to the Circus!”

Gag me, nigga!

Last night, through some malevolent ruse by the gods of Good Times, I ended up in Cockgobbler, SF.  At the Bubble Lounge; or, from henceforth, The Butt-ble Lounge.

Let me tell you how much fun I had!!!

1.)No more than five minutes prior to door entry I was alerted, “Umm, I dont think they allow tennis shoes in here!?” Oops! Guess what I was wearing? White on white AF-1’s AKA The Official Mascot of  Nigga Feet Everywhere!

Pssh, no big deal tho! They were cleverly disguised amidst the total summation of my “Black Boy Swag/White Boy Tags” attire.  You see, I had already presumed I’d be cast into a group of characters who exhibited a shade of flesh quite contrary to my own…so, I dressed the part. Way to go, me!

I get to the door, show my I.D. and sliiiide right in, no problemo!  Oh, but wait, “Sir, you’ll have to remove your hat.”

Being that I was a guest of a friend, to another friends party, I respectively conceded. No hat tonight. Lets Dance, San Francisco!

2.) “What!?  Drinks are $11 dollars!?” Oh well, who needs alcohol, anyway. One will be enough for me tonight. ..I’ll just be sitting over here, adoring how the DJ spins only the best in cocophonic seizures.

3.) In the bathroom, Im holding my penis in the ready postition when Johnny Whiteboy stumbles in with, “Eyyyy Mon! Yeh got ta donce while ya peeeeeeee! Lordvemerrrcy!” I turned to him and merely replied that I would like to continue my urination process in peace. To which he added, “Eyyyyy, my bad mon! Yeh nooo like to donce, bookup!? Yeh come feh donce-flah when yeh dun wit de pee-pee, okay boyeeeee!?”

4.) Welp, at this point, ive decided the no hat rule can lick balls. Hats dont belong in my hand. Thats silly! They belong on my head…so, thats where I put it. In less than thirty-eight seconds, I was charged by three bouncers.  Two white guys, and a black dude.

As I was being kicked out, the big white guy hits me with, “You didnt come in here like this! Look at You! Youre hat, tshirt under your sweater, baggy pants and sneakers!” Now, the hat thing, okay,  I was wrong. But son, I WAS WEARING MY WHITE BOY SKINNY PANTS!!! This nigga trippin!

I turned to the black dude who just held his head down, on some “Yeah, I know…sorry, nigga, but I got kids to feed” isht. I looked at him, then looked at the other white dudes and  gave them the  “Word?….Tsk Tsk Tsk.”

5.) Finally, my night concluded with three asian women, all draped in the same leopard print mini dress (proudly proclaiming they were purchased at Forever 21), going on a “nigga” tangent! By that I mean, these hoes was talkin at me like “Yo, nigga, wheres ya grill, nigga! Nigga its all good, nigga! Nigga, Im a nigga too, nigga! Aint no difference, Ima light skinnt nigga, and yousa dark skin nigga, nigga!” Im not gon’ front. It blew my mind, son.

Anyway…Im bored now..long story long…North Beach, North Blows.