The picture out west is not interesting at all… I pretty much looks to be a cakewalk for the Lakers, especially with Bynum back in the lineup.  And because of Garnett going down (and how bout Ainge having a heart attack over it, wow), the Cavs won’t have any trouble either.  Orlando is a tough team, but they can’t hang in a seven game series with Cleveland.

So we all get what we want (except Shalem, haha): Lakers/Cavs… Kobe/Lebron… Present/Future… that’ll be tight.  But until the first week in June, I really don’t care much.  Just give me what I want to see.

Here’s my bracket anyway:

1st Round – West

Lakers vs. Utah – Lakers in 5

Portland vs. Houston – Portland in 6

San Antonio vs. Dallas – Dallas in 6

Denver vs. New Orleans – Denver in 5

1st Round – East

Cleveland vs. Detroit – Cleveland in 4

Atlanta vs. Miami – Atlanta in 6

Orlando vs. Philly – Orlando in 4

Boston vs. Chicago – Boston in 6

2nd Round -West

Lakers vs. Portland – Lakers in 5

Dallas vs. Denver – Denver in 6

2nd Round – East

Cleveland vs. Atlanta – Cleveland in 5

Orlando vs. Boston – Orlando in 6

Conference Finals

Lakers vs. Denver – Lakers in 5

Cleveland vs. Orlando – Cleveland in 6

Finals: Lakers vs. Cleveland – Lakers in 6

L.A. is just too big, strong, and deep for anyone in the league.  It’s not about Kobe vs. Lebron, it’s about all the other Lakers vs. all the other Cavs, and the Lakers are just far superior… It’s not even a arguement.  So, yeah, I’m excited to have the Lakers back in the rightful place, back on top, but getting there is gonna be kinda boring.

2. GZA/Genius – Pro Tools

3. Raphael Saadiq – The Way I See It

4. Snoop Dogg - Ego Trippin

5. Randy Newman – Harps & Angels

6. Devin The Dude – Landing Gear

Anyone else?

Time for the roundup of the top 12 movies of the year.  Take that top 10 lists!!!  You bunch of fucking slackers!  I spent a lot of time at the theater this year, and I remember most of it… well, some of it anyway.  With a little help from good ol’ Jameson and friends, it was a damn good year for movies… here ya go…

12. Tropic Thunder

Everyone made a big deal about Robert Downey, Jr.’s performance in this one, but to me the funniest parts are with Nick Nolte… I love Nolte.  Great stuff, and if you have the DVD, check the commentary… apart from Step Brothers, best commentary of the year.

11. Forgetting Sarah Marshall

This movie should be called Remembering Mila Kunis When You’re Jerking Off.  Seriously, if there is a more beautiful person on the planet, let me know.  This is also the funniest movie of the year, hands down.  I haven’t laughed out loud while watching a movie alone in a long time, and I laughed thoughout this whole thing… great, great, great movie.  Did I mention Mila Kunis yet?  Goddamn, so hot…

10. Be Kind Rewind

A movie for people who love movies… underrated and underwatched by most of the country.  I’ve seen it about 10 times and it gets better with each viewing.  Maybe it’s because I’m a movie nerd.  I put it on par with Cinema Paradiso, as far as the “movie for movie lovers” thing goes.  Give it a whirl.

9. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

A 3 hour movie where you never check your watch.  It’s totally captivating and never gets dull.  2008’s Forrest Gump (only good), it’s a crowd pleaser without being sappy or overly emotional.  A fictional biopic that doesn’t get sensational, is funny, and, best of all, is something you wouldn’t mind sitting through a second time, 3 hours and all.

8. Hellboy II: The Golden Army

A rare sequel that’s better than the first.  The first movie since Pan’s Labyrinth for Guillermo Del Toro, who turned down I Am Legend, Halo, and Harry Potter in order to make this… and with good reason.  You can tell he has an affinity for the character and telling his story.  Every detail seems to be well thought out and catered to.  I loved it.

7. Funny Games

I’ve already written about this one… scary as fuck, fucked up as fuck, sheesh… *shudder*

6. Iron Man

The best superhero movie of the year (sorry Dark Knight).  Is Robert Downey, Jr. officially the coolest motherfucker in the world?  I think yes… I really don’t have to say much about this because everyone already saw it and knows it’s great.

5. Tell No One

Nothing is better than a good murder mystery.  I’m a sucker for a good action flick too.  Gangsters? I’m for ‘em!  This movie has it all… and it’s foreign so you feel smart for watching it!!  Honestly though, this is one that will be seen by more and more people as the years go on and, in about 5 years, will be regaurded as a classic.

4. Slumdog Millionaire

I already wrote about this too… and what did I say then? That slowly but surely this is gonna get BIG… It was #8 last weekend, earning a little over 3 million, this week #13, earning over 4 million (5 new movies opened) in roughly the same number of theaters.  When awards season is officially on, this will be in the top 5 for a month.  Tizzledomus has spoken!

3. Burn After Reading

The most entertaining movie of the year.  Granted I’ve got a hard on for the Coen brothers, but it’s impossible not to love this movie.  Every character is so well written and acted that this has to be near the top of any of these actors’ resumes (like they need resumes).  The best I’ve ever seen from Malkovich.  Laugh out loud funny.

2. Let The Right One In

Coming-of-age, love-at-first-sight, neglectful-parents, school-bullies movie… WITH FUCKING VAMPIRES!!! YES, PLEASE!!!

1. WALL-E

A perfect movie.  One part Buster Keaton, one part Singing in the Rain, one part 2001: A Space Odyssey, one part An Inconvenient Truth… Pixar is the truth, don’t get it twisted. It’s so goddamn cute it’s rediculous.  The best film of 2008, hands down.

RUNNER UP AWARDS

Biggest Suprise: The Incredible Hulk

Biggest Disappointment: Gran Torino

Would Be in the Top 12 if I’d Seen it: The Wrestler

Soon-To-Be Cult Classic: The Foot Fist Way

Reason I Should’ve Done a Top 13: Milk

“Loom of Fate” of the Year: Wanted

Best DVD Commentary: Step Brothers (with Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Jon Brion on the Keys, and Clippers’ PG Baron Davis supplying the backup vocals… seriously)

I’ve been to the movies five times in the last two weeks. Apparently I don’t like the outdoors.  Check out what I’m wasting my life doing!!!

Let the Right One In (2008)

Dir. Tomas Alfredson

Starring: Kare Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson

I was gonna love this movie no matter what; it was in my top 10 of the year going into it, so yeah.  It has everything going for it: creepy Swede’s, vampire children, snow, subtitles (so you know it’s smart!), and Guillermo Del Toro called it one of the best movies he’s seen in years… yes please!  I was surprised, however, that this was no bloody vampire flick at all, but rather a unique, coming-of-age, first love, picked-on kid fights back picture.  Sure, there’s blood, but the vampire thing is more of an added bonus than the main focus.  The story begins with Oskar, a scrawny 12-year-old kid being picked on by school bullies.  It becomes obvious that the poor bastard has no friends, is bummed out by his mom, and who’s dad is an alcoholic (not like us, rather the neglectful-when-he’s-drunk kind).  He spends his time practicing killing the mean kids on a tree in the courtyard of the projects he lives in… until Eli moves in next door.  They become fast friends and soon they realize they are the only one each other has.  Oh yeah, Eli is a vampire!  She(?) be killin’ people and drinkin’ they blood, son!  Like I said before, though, the movie isn’t really about that.  Sure it provides interesting situations and moves the story along, but it’s really about the relationship between the two kids.  Weird that a Swedish vampire movie involving pre-teens could be regarded as romantic, but that’s what it is… and, as I predicted, one of the best movies I’ve seen this year.

4 out of 4

Zack And Miri Make A Porno (2008)

Dir. Kevin Smith

Starring: Elizabeth Banks, Seth Rogan, Jason Mewes, Traci Lords, Katie Morgan, Jeff Anderson

I really like Kevin Smith movies.  Even Jersey Girl made me laugh.  But it kind of seemed like he phoned it in on this one.  Usually his shit, dick, pussy, and fart jokes are clever and well thought out, but they seemed forced or not fully realized in this picture.  I don’t know, I guess I’m just getting older.  I just tend to prefer my queef jokes with an edge.  The high school reunion scene is REALLY funny though, and it’s a good 10-15 minutes of the flick, so for that alone I guess I can recommend this one… on DVD that is.

2 out of 4

Role Models (2008)

Dir. David Wain

Starring: Seann William Scott, Paul Rudd, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb’e J. Thompson, Elizabeth Banks, Jane Lynch

So I don’t really smoke the reefer, but for whatever reason I thought it would be a good idea before this one.  Isn’t weed supposed to make you laugh at stupid shit?  Well, only a couple chuckles in this one, unfortunately.  I wanted a lot more from it.  I love most everything David Wain and Paul Rudd are associated with – STELLA anyone?  That show was great!  Anyway, two assholes who pitch a Redbull-esque energy drink for a living fuck up and need to do community service or go to jail for 30 days.  They end up joining the Big Brother program and get two kids in need to mentor.  The kids are best part of this one, but not because they’re saying bad words or talking about titties the whole time, but because their character are actually really well written and original.  The scenes with the head of the program, played by Jane Lynch, bring the whole movie to a goddamn standstill though, and there are a lot of ‘em.  Hopefully when it comes out on DVD, and i give it another chance, I won’t be so doped up the dopey jokes come with the funny.

2 out of 4

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Dir. Marc Forster

Starring: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Jeffrey Wright, Gemma Arterton, Mathieu Amalric, Judi Dench

This is NOT a Bond film… this is a Jason Bourne film!  Which is AWESOME, by the way!  Remember when you first played Grand Theft Auto and then when you went out into the real world you wanted to kill everyone and steal cars and spray paint shit?  This movie makes you wanna throw old ladies through plate-glass windows!  Non-stop, and I mean non-fucking-stop, action.  Car chases, boat chases, airplane chases, broken glass everyfuckingwhere, its awesome.  As far as the Bond shit though, nope.  The “Bond Girl” (the one on the right, above) is in it long enough for Bond to fuck her but that’s it, the theme song by Jack White and Alicia Keys sucks balls, NO GADGETS (!!!), and the plot is so confusing you may as well not bother.  Plus, it’s the first Bond sequel… it picks up where Casino Royale left off, which has never happened before.  The other Bond girl (the one on the left), however, is a fucking bad-ass and is much hotter, so it’s got that going for it.  She’s one tough cookie.  Best of all, the movie doesn’t overstay its welcome.  It’s 1 hour 40 minutes of wild shit, and then see-ya later.  I’m fully down with Daniel Craig as Bond, too… kicking ass.  It’s just not a Bond movie, even though it says it is.  Whatever, go see it.

3.5 out of 4

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Dir. Danny Boyle

Starring: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto

Another one that’s going to be in my top 10 of the year.  This is one of those movies that slowly but surely is going to get more and more popular through word of mouth and in about a month is going to be huge… you heard it here first.  It takes place in India, where these three slum kids, orphaned and forced to bring themselves up, struggle to survive.  Jamal and his older brother Salim befriend Latika, and Jamal falls for her.  They’re separated, of course, and years later Jamal still thinks of her.  Through various circumstances he lands on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, the country’s most popular show, hoping that she’ll be watching.  With one question left for the big prize, they break for the day and Jamal is nabbed by the police, beaten, and accused of cheating… How could a slum kid with no education know the answers when doctors and lawyers and teachers can’t get halfway through the show?  The film goes back and forth in time telling Jamal, Salim, and Latika’s story and the coincidences that occur that allows him to advance in the game.  As feel good as it gets, expect this to be up for a ton of awards.  Good date movie too.

4 out of 4

BUT Lil’ Wayne released the next four months of my life… I still like Snoop’s album better… who’s with me?

PS: i’m drunk… more detailed later.

It has begun: the two incredible/agonizingly long months that is the NBA Playoffs. While most of you are still crying like little girls about the Warriors not making it, or that if Golden State were in the East they’d be the 5 seed, and blah, blah, blah, my beloved Los Angeles Lakers found themselves in the number 1 spot in the unbelievably deep and talented Western Conference, thus solidifying Kobe Bean Bryant as the front-runner in the MVP race. Everything is Great with me.

This isn’t to say that Chris Paul is in no way deserving of the honor; the kid played his ass off this year. He wasn’t passed the torch my Steve Nash, he snached that bitch and smacked him over the head with it. If the Hornets can keep that team together and get a little playoff experience this year (maybe go to the second round where they’ll lose to the Suns, which won’t happen because they’re getting bounced by Dallas), they’ll be really tough next year. Also, the fact that they finished behind the Lakers has more to do with Byron Scott than the excellent play of Paul. Byron Scott is Coach of the Year, ahead of Rick Adelman in Houston and Phil Jackson in L.A. Scott, as you’ll remember, took New Jersey to the Finals TWICE. That doesn’t happen to/with an average coach. It’ll never happen with Mike D’Antoni, a man who’s coaching involves yelling “Come on, come on, come on! Let’s go, let’s go,” and not much else.

That brings me to the Suns. They have found themselves in Sacramento Kings territory: almost there, a game 7 away from winning it all, and eventually failing… ironically to the Lakers, as will happen in the conference finals this year. This is probably where I should show you my bracket.

The West (Round 1):

Lakers

.Lakers in 4

Nuggets

Jazz

.Jazz in 6

Rockets

Spurs

.Suns in 6

Suns

Hornets

.Mavericks in 6

Mavericks

The East (Round 1)

Celtics

.Celtics in 4

Hawks

Cavs

.Cavs in 6

Wizards

Magic

.Magic in 6

Raptors

Pistons

.Pistons in 5

76ers

(note: I HAD the Pistons sweeping the Sixers because I failed to remember Iguodola is owning right now.)

West (Round 2)

Lakers

.Lakers in 6

Jazz

Suns

.Suns in 6

Mavericks

East (Round 2)

Celtics

.Celtics in 5

Cavs

Magic

.Pistons in 6

Pistons

Conference Finals

Lakers

.Lakers in 6

Suns

Celtics

.Celtics in 7

Pistons

Finals

Lakers

.Lakers in 6

Celtics

The East in my eyes will be a cake walk for both Boston and Detroit up until the Conference Finals. Those finals, however, are gonna be a drag-out fight for the East title, giving an upper hand to the Lakers, who are gonna have little difficulty with the exhausted, old, and possibly (probably?) injured Phoenix Suns (Shaq? Grant Hill? Nash? Anyone think all three of these guys are gonna be completely healthy after facing the Spurs and Mavs?) The only upset I can see happening is Orlando over the Pistons, but totally not likely. Boston over Detroit in seven.

Meanwhile, in the West, there isn’t a series that I would call an upset or easy win (other than the Lakers over Denver). Any team can beat anyone else. I don’t see McGrady getting out of the first round (again) without Yao, but Utah is SO BAD on the road, there could be a surprise in the making. Again, not likely. Phoenix, San Antonio, New Orleans, and Dallas in the bottom half of the West are gonna beat the living shit out of each other, so I don’t see any of them having enough in the tank to put up a solid fight against the Lakers in the Conference Finals. Lakers in six over the Suns is my guess.

These playoffs are David Sterns wet dream. Shaq/Kobe in the West Finals, Detroit and Boston going to seven with Garnett finally seeing the main stage, and, last but not least, the FUCKING LAKERS vs. CELTICS!! Are you kidding?!?! Kobe wins without Shaq and a new rivalry begins. I can’t wait.

-Tizzle

PS: I sincerely hope you Warriors had fun the last two years. I don’t see Nellie coming back and I think, with his movie career and all, Baron finds himself with the Clippers next season. Again, we shall see.

Blue Velvet (1986)

Dir: David Lynch

Starring: Kyle MacLaclan, Laura Dern, Dennis Hopper, Isabella Rossellini

This is one of the greatest films ever made. First off, I’m a huge David Lynch fan. This is his most user friendly film. If you don’t like this, you WON’T like the rest of his stuff. I don’t like the Dorothy Vallens role. She is awful. But it’s played so well, and the whole, “evil lays under even the most sweet-looking covers” thing has never been done better. Do yourself a favor.

4 out of 4

Inland Empire (2007)

Dir: David Lynch

Starring: Laura Dern, Justin Theroux, Jeremy Irons, Harry Dean Stanton

Ummm… Yeah… Could possibly be the scariest film of the last 5 years.

3.5 out of 4

Lost Highway (1997)

Dir: David Lynch

Starring: Bill Pullman, Patricia Arquette, Balthazar Getty, Richard Pryor

Do you like seeing tits (or do you know Lacanian theory)? If you said yes to either, this is the movie for you.  You should read Lacan beforehand.

4 out of 4

Waitress (2007)

Dir: Adrienne Shelly

Starring: Keri Russell, Cheryl Hines, Jeremy Sisto, Andy Griffith

Andy Griffith saves this film. I’ve noticed that iconic actors turn up as the grumpy old bastard in heartwarming pictures ALL THE TIME! Paul Newman has done it twice. Most recently it was in the HBO miniseries EMPIRE FALLS. I prefer NOBODY’S FOOL from ‘94. That’s a great film. Anyways, Griffith is the only reason to watch this.

2 out of 4

Gangs of New York (2002)

Dir: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cameron Diaz

BOOOOOOOOORRRRRRINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! Daniel Day-Lewis really is one of the best actors in the world though. I mean, goddamn.

2.5 out of 4

No Country For Old Men (2007)

Dir: Joel and Ethan Cohen

Starring: Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin, Javier Bardem, Woody Harrilson

One of the best films ever made… period. “It’s a mess, ain’t it sheriff?” “Well if it ain’t, it’ll do til the mess gets here.” Great line.

4 out of 4

Atonement (2007)

Dir: Joe Wright

Starring: James McAvoy, Kiera Knightley

Rent this with your lady… it’s a fucking great movie, less than two hours, and it’ll get you super points cuz it’s technically a chick movie (but not like The Notebook [which i also liked] or The English Patient [which I hated])… great stuff.

3.5 out of 4